I’m not big on spoilers, so don’t worry. I’m just going to be talking in generalities here. I only watch a few reality shows anyway. I love Top Chef, I used to watch every episode of every Survivor, and I love the Amazing Race. What I don’t need are the curveballs.
Have you ever played poker with wild cards? You take a game where luck plays a part anyway, and then you trade off a big chunk of skill for even more luck. That’s what all these reality shows eventually do. I don’t know if they’ve lost confidence in the same formula that had me hooked for the previous four seasons or what. I can’t even name all the changes Survivor’s made over the years. The hidden immunity idol is a big one. Isolation Island. Trade in your buffs. Wait, uh, no, uh, trade in your buffs again. Hey, welcome to the island, yeah, but yep, two of you suckers go home ’cause you weren’t picked and uh, trade in your buffs, and wanna know what you’re playing for? Actually, I love that last one.
It’s not enough that these shows purposely pick morons and non-athletes, but they have to junk it up with changes. The Amazing Race was great, until the producers got involved. Uchenna and Joyce beat Rob and Amber because an airplane came back to the gate. It drove back to the gate to pick up a couple of late arrivers. Then they started adding in Yields and whatnot.
The only show that does it anywhere close to right is Top Chef. There only real curveball is, “Hey, you’ve got to cook more.”
“What another course?”
“Oh, yeah. You have to cook more. More than you thought you would.”
Just don’t tease me with the winner Top Chef. Don’t tell me is not the Top Chef. Don’t say a name as if they’re the winner and then send them home when they’re standing next to two other contestants in the final episode. My four seconds of suspense aren’t worth ripping someone’s heart of their chest for. That’s low, man. Low.