If you’re in the middle of China and can’t find a cab,
Or on Redemption Island alone with a crab,
Try to remember all the people you beat,
To have this once in a lifetime, million-dollar treat.
If you’re ugly, obnoxious, and talentless as well,
Don’t forget it’s someone’s dream to be living in your self-imposed hell.
Oh my Survivors and Amazing Race pairs,
Why rage and spit and weep salty tears?
Even though countless viewers have been deceived,
It’s a great gift that you’ve received.
For while you wear disrespect on your faces,
We’re left to dream of faraway places.
Please understand the craziest thing of all,
By some miracle of miracle you received a producer’s call!
Now you’re cursing your fate all the way over there,
And I’m writing poetry, still at home, still right here.